


Icarus Rising

by Digitalwave



Category: Smallville
Genre: Alternate Universe, First Time, Futurefic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-05
Updated: 2012-03-05
Packaged: 2017-11-01 12:23:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/356736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Digitalwave/pseuds/Digitalwave
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes safe just isn't enough.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Icarus Rising

**Author's Note:**

> Not mine, but I promise to put them right back when I'm finished. Honest...
> 
> I'd like to give special thanks to all my friends on lj who are always there for me, no matter what.

Clark drew a stuttering breath huddled as deeply into the dark corner as he could possibly get. The rough wood of the beams pressing into his back were sharp and unforgiving against even his naked, invulnerable skin as tremors shook him so hard the wood groaned back at him in protest. 

Things had never been quite the same for Clark after his lost summer in Metropolis. Both he and Lex had come back changed, quieter. Lex pulled into himself even more, plunging into his company, the plant. The Kent's were the only ones in Smallville he still had time for; everything else was strictly 'business'. 

For Clark it was the weight of all his secrets that made him step back, keeping his friends at arm's length. He didn't trust himself any more and was always afraid he'd lose control again. That he'd end up hurting them more than he already had. 

Neither his friends, his parents, hell, even the counselor the school had made him see could convince him otherwise. After a while they seemed to just give up, to quit pushing so hard. After all, he did all his work, both at home and at school. If anything his grades were better than they'd ever been since he'd lost all of the other distractions. Now he was not only never late in turning stuff in, he usually got it in early. 

He'd heard Chloe talking to Lana and Pete once, she'd wistfully wished for the 'old' Clark back. The one she'd had to dog to get his articles in on time. That had really hurt. Clark had hidden in the shadows and held his breath, trying his best not to cry. How do you tell your friends that you're dead when they still see you up walking around every day? 

Clark sighed, closing his eyes, hitting his head against the beam behind him in frustration, the beleaguered wood again voicing its protest. Lex was the only one who seemed to get it, who respected his new boundaries and didn't try to fucking push him all of the time. He was the only friend Clark had let stay close, both of them comfortable in their silences; Clark focused on his schoolwork, Lex on running the ever growing LexCorp. 

The small part of his brain not in full flight mode wondered what things would have been like for them if Lionel hadn't died during one of the rescue flights when Lex had still been missing. Lex had come home to chaos, throwing himself into saving not only his company but his dad's as well from the circling vultures. 

Eventually he'd divested himself of most of LuthorCorp, keeping only the Science branches after months of cleanup in all of their divisions. The rest he'd given to Lucas who'd shocked the hell out of all of them as he'd blossomed under the new responsibilities. Lex had lost his father but had gained both a brother and a family. Lex always laughed and said he'd gone through hell to get there but he was happy. 

That's how Clark felt too. He'd realized a couple of years ago that he loved his best friend but he'd kept quiet, afraid to lose one of the few things he still allowed himself. 

Still, a part of him ached to take a chance, to tell Lex how he felt. Clark had finally gotten up the courage to make the first move that afternoon. His parents were gone for the weekend to Granville for some much needed 'together' time and they'd left Clark alone to watch over the farm. There'd been some gentle teasing about fireworks and wild parties but they'd all known they could trust him. Sometimes Clark saw such sadness in his mother's eyes when she looked at him. He knew that she wished he wasn't so closed off, so alone. But, she and his dad never said anything; they'd just hug him extra hard on the worst days. Clark thanked them for that. It helped him cope. 

He'd had been out in the loft working on his homework. Thanksgiving break was in a couple of weeks so he had a bunch of mid-terms coming up soon. Clark had already earned a full academic scholarship to Met U in Astronomy and Mathematics but he wasn't willing to take any chances on screwing it up somehow. He'd been so deep in his textbooks that the creak of the top step on the staircase had startled him. 

He'd looked up to see Lex standing there, the light from the setting sun bathing him in its warm glow. It was such a beautiful contrast to the blacks and grays of his clothing that Clark's breath caught in his chest. He couldn't help the sappy smile he'd felt spreading over his face. 

"Lex, hey! I didn't think you'd be over until later tonight. It's not six thirty already, is it?" His hand brushed the stack of books lying on the sofa next to him as he shifted position bringing them crashing down. Right into the bottle of open coke he had sitting next to him on the floor. "Shit!" Clark dove off of the sofa, trying to rescue his books and notes from the rapidly spreading, sticky mess. 

Lex was on his knees in his pristine Armani slacks in an instant, helping him gather everything up, trying his best not to laugh. 

"Clark! What would Martha say if she heard you right now?" 

Clark looked up to the see the laughter shining in the blue eyes locked with his. He felt his hands start to shake as Lex's fingers brushed his as they gathered everything back up. His cheeks burned as he smiled again, looking over at his friend. "Yeah, well she didn't just spend ten hours writing my damned History thesis, did she?" 

As the pile of books and papers started to tilt again they both lunged for it. Lex reached out his hands, one on either of Clark's shoulders, steadying him as he caught it. They were so close that Clark could feel the heat of his skin through the softness of the dark sweater that Lex wore where they touched. It was like everything just stopped for a second. All Clark could hear was the rush of blood through his veins as he leaned forward. Before he could even stop to think they were kissing. 

It'd felt amazing. It was so damned good it'd felt like flying. Like this was it. This was the perfect moment that they'd waited years to find. 

Fuck, he'd been so scared, but in a good way. He tilted his face up, arms wrapped tightly against his drawn up knees. Unheeded tears left silver trails against his cheeks in the pale moonlight shining in through the open window, each frantic beat of his heart pounding in his chest. His mind skittered around in a thousand different directions. Try as he might he couldn't hold onto a single coherent thought as the memories continued to wash over him. 

By the time they finally broke for air they'd both been gasping, his books forgotten in their frantic need to touch. "Wow!" 

Lex passed his hand over his head, laughing shakily. "Yes... That works for me." A look of concern washed over his face. "Clark? Your parents..." 

"They won't be back until Sunday." He reached out trembling fingers, tracing the shape of Lex's face. A feeling of warmth rushed through Clark as he felt Lex leaning into the touch, a soft smile transforming his face as he spoke. 

"Well, as much as this might go toward fulfilling many late-night fantasies I've had of sex with you in your loft..." 

Clark grinned at Lex, momentarily cutting his words off with a kiss. "You've had fantasies? Of me? Cool!" 

Lex smirked at him, smoothly disentangling himself from their sprawl of limbs as he slid up onto the sofa, pulling Clark with him. "Oddly enough, they never included the possibility of freezing my ass off to achieve said goal..." His fingers trailed through Clark's hair and only then did it penetrate just how chilled they were. "It's fucking freezing out here, Clark." 

Lex trailed his hands down Clark's chest as he continued talking, lingering over his waistband before moving downward. Clark moaned, shivering himself but it wasn't from the cold. "You know, I have a perfectly good bedroom back at the mansion that we could continue this little discussion in." Lex licked his lips, hunger in his eyes so clear it drew another moan from Clark, his senses reeling. "I'd recommend we stay here but, lumpy sofa, twin bed or king-size decadence? Which do you prefer, Clark? Can you leave?" 

His fingers keep taking away Clark's last chance at coherence. The sudden silence meant that Lex must have asked him something. Clark responded with an elegant, "Huh, what? Did you ask me something, Lex?" 

Lex laughed out loud, more relaxed, playful. Something Clark couldn't remember really happening for a very long time. "I said, do you need to stay here tonight or could I steal you away until in the morning?" Lex moved until he was draped over Clark, his breath hot against his skin as he kissed him, tongue reaching out to taste, sliding over his skin, and down his neck. Clark was dizzy, weak with need as Lex moved against him. 

"No... That is, I've done all the chores... I've got my cell if Mom or Dad calls..." Clark gasped, arching upward as Lex's tongue teased at his nipple. How in hell had he not noticed his flannel shirt magically falling open? "Oh, fuck..." 

Lex raised his head, looking at Clark, his normally pristine clothes rumpled, lips swollen and red. His pupils were blown, only slivers of blue remained in all of the black. Clark could get lost in those eyes, knew the look of raw need painted on Lex's face was reflected in his own. 

Lex slid off Clark in one fluid movement to stand next to the sofa, his left hand reaching out. As Clark stood Lex pulled him close, his voice a warm rumble as he again started to nuzzle the soft skin behind Clark's ear. "Then, grab whatever you need from the house and I'll meet you in the car." 

Clark had no idea what he threw into his backpack but he was in the car as fast as was humanly possible. Some small part of his brain that was still functioning kept him from slipping into super-speed. 

He and Lex had had an unspoken truce since they'd come back home. They didn't ask each other uncomfortable questions so they didn't have to lie. The fact that Clark had almost stopped using his powers except around the farm had helped as well. 

It was really weird. Once he'd pulled back the meteor fueled attacks had stopped. Almost like using his powers drew them out somehow. Lord knows, Lex had had a decidedly lower case of head injuries the last couple of years so that was great. 

It was the most normal Clark had felt in a long time and he'd needed that. With each other they were just Clark and Lex, they'd both earned the measure of peace that gave them. He'd been so tired of feeling like a freak all of the time. 

Clark's memories of the ride to the mansion, the trip from the car to Lex's bedroom were hazy, at best. Mostly just snapshots of images, sensations; warm hands slipping off his clothes, kisses rained all over his skin. The deep groan pulled from his throat as they'd tumbled naked to the bed, Lex scooting down, warmth enveloping his cock as Clark arched upward. 

So good, it felt so good. Clark had given, and received, blowjobs during his lost summer in Metropolis. But this, this was different. This was Lex and, oh fucking god, Clark didn't even know you could do that with your tongue. Heat built in the pit of his stomach, flowing outward with each nip of Lex's teeth, each swipe of his tongue against Clark's skin. 

Clark forced open his eyes, looking down at Lex draped over his lower body. His hips moved in time with the bob of his head as he swallowed him down, throat working to drive Clark completely out of his mind. Clark moved, tightening his legs where Lex thrust against him, increasing the friction of skin against skin. 

Lex moaned, giving faster, more frantic thrusts. Colors, light, bloomed blocking his vision, making Clark even dizzier, his eyes closing again. Head thrown back against the pillows Clark thrust upward, matching the ragged rhythm Lex set as best he could. 

Warmth flooded him, pooling over his skin as Lex shuddered hard, coming with a muffled yell as his throat worked around Clark. That did it, the last push he needed as Clark fell, his own orgasm hitting full-force right behind Lex's. 

Every sense was alive, filled with the knowledge, the scent, the taste, of Lex. Clark floated, drunk as he rode the high, never wanting this feeling to end. Lex shifted above him, pulling himself up onto Clark's chest. 

As Lex collapsed against him, his mouth found his in a bruising kiss. Clark felt his cock twitch at the sweet/sharp taste of his own cum on Lex's lips where they touched. 

Suddenly, Lex stiffened, his hands clutching Clark's shoulders, an edge of panic growing in his voice as he spoke. "C... Clark...?" 

Clark opened his eyes, looking upward, dread burning in his stomach at the sudden shift in Lex's attitude. He wished to God that he hadn't looked as he followed the line of his sight; saw what was making Lex's heart race so madly. 

Every where they touched, every place of contact, crawling along their skin was a fine, golden mesh of light that seemed to pulse in time to their heartbeats. A frantic, silent chorus of 'oh shit, oh shit, oh shit!' raced through Clark's head as he realized in the next split second that he'd not only felt like they were floating, they literally were hovering several inches above the bed. 

Clark cringed as panic swamped him, gravity slamming them down upon the bed. He felt the sickening jolt as Lex's head impacted against the heavy bed post, the golden light blinking out, his body lying silent and limp beneath him. 

He reached out with trembling hands, afraid to touch Lex. A wave of relief flooded through Clark as he felt the fast, steady beat of Lex's pulse beneath his fingertips. Nausea hit him as the realization struck that he'd hurt Lex. Pushing himself up, Clark stumbled from the bed, barely making it into the bathroom before he lost everything he'd eaten that day, bile choking his throat. His vision wavered as he looked up; saw the monster reflected in the bathroom mirror, revulsion shining in his swimming eyes. 

'Freak, freak, freak...' Oh, shit, he had to run, he had to get away before he hurt Lex again! Reality blurred around Clark. One instant he stood in that too bright room, the next he cowered here, hidden deep within the shadows of his silent loft with no memory of how he'd gotten there. 

Shivers rocked his body. Clark hid his burning face against his drawn-up knees, the keening of some wounded animal impacting distantly upon his senses as he rocked there, lost. 

'Stupid! God, he was so fucking stupid!' Clark hit his head against the wall behind him, never opening his eyes. He knew, he fucking knew never to do this. It was why he'd cut himself off from everyone except his parents and Lex. He was a freak, an abomination that hurt everyone around him. 

He'd known it when his lies hurt his friends, when he'd killed his baby sister with his own recklessness, destroying his parent's one chance to have a real child. Clark felt fresh tears tracking down his cheeks as he turned, pressing into the wall so hard it creaked. 

He'd tried so hard to be good; to be normal, a good son, a good friend to Lex. And now, because he couldn't keep his damned dick in his pants he'd done it again. Someone he loved had been hurt because of his alien freakishness. 

He'd promised his parents he wouldn't run away again but he knew he had to break his word. It was the only way to keep everyone safe. Last time he was weak, last time he let himself be talked into believing the lie of a normal life. But, not this time. 

This time would be different. He knew where his dad kept his chunk of the green rock 'for emergencies'. Clark planned to steal that small lead box and take it with him. When he ran far enough away to know no one could stop him he'd use it. Maybe then the world, all the people he loved, would be safe at last from him and his fucking 'destiny'. He finally understood what Cassandra's vision had been trying to tell him all those years ago; if he lived the world died. 

Soon, soon he'd leave. Clark needed to move, to get up off his sorry ass and get dressed but he was just so tired. Despair, more consuming than he had ever felt, bled into his bones taking away his strength. Maybe, if he let it take him it wouldn't hurt so much to breathe. Maybe, in its own way, it was even stronger than the green meteor rock had ever been. Sighing brokenly Clark surrendered, letting the darkness claim him. 

* * *

Clark had no idea how long he sat there. The cold freezing him from the inside out had little to do with the chill November air still spilling in through the open windows across his naked skin. Something called him, pulling him up from the numbness he'd found. Warmth settled around his shoulders, hands touching him everywhere, their heat searing against his frigid skin. A voice filtered through; imploring, angry, scared as shit. 

"Clark? God damn it, Clark, open your eyes! Do you hear me? You don't get to fucking do this. I swear, I'll kick your alien ass from one end of this barn to the other if you don't answer me." Clark heard the pain in the broken voice as it whispered to him. "Please, Clark, don't leave me here..." 

Awareness slammed into him as Clark focused on a word, a very important word; alien. His eyelids were crusted with salt and dried tears. Clark dragged them open, unable to do more than blearily stare at the pale shape looming over him; shaking him, calling out his name. "L...Lex?" 

Strong arms pulled him forward, wrapping him in blessed warmth. Clark felt a drop of moisture hit his cheek as his head was guided to rest on Lex's shoulder. 

"God, Clark... Don't you ever fucking scare me like that again! What the hell were you thinking?" Clark felt fingers gently combing through his hair. "You weren't though, were you? Thinking, I mean..." 

Clark burrowed back into Lex's shoulder, hiding his face, broken whispers of 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Lex.' fell unheeded from his lips. 

"It's okay, Clark, I'm here. You didn't hurt me, see?" He felt fingers under his chin, pulling his face up. Clark didn't have the strength to look away. 

His voice felt broken, rough with tears. "I'm a f...freak, Lex. A monster... If you knew you'd..." 

"Shh, Clark, shh... I know, I've known a long time now, it doesn't matter." 

Clark's breath caught in a gasp. "You know? How? God, Lex, I wanted to tell you... I did!" 

Lex laughed softly, his fingers tracing the tracks of the tears on Clark's face. "Genius here, remember? You lie for shit, my friend. There was way too much empirical evidence all the fuck around you for me not to figure it out." Lex leaned toward him, catching Clark by surprise with a soft kiss before pulling back. "I knew you'd tell me when you could." 

Clark lunged forward, enveloping Lex in a hug of his own. "I was so afraid that you'd hate me. I thought that, maybe, if I just ignored them, tried hard enough I could be normal. H...Human..." 

Lex pulled back, smiling softly. "Normal is way over-rated, Clark." His hand went to his head, ghosting over its surface. "Normal would have left a big-assed bruise there. Do you see one?" 

Clark shook his head, staring at the unblemished skin, his own fingers reaching out to touch. He yanked them back again at the first golden shimmers of light. 

Lex smirked slightly, hand reaching out to clasp Clark's fingers, watching the play of light where they met. "I take it that this has never happened before with anyone else, huh?" 

"No, Lex... only you." Clark watched a little dazed as Lex picked up his other hand, bringing it to his lips. A flare of color bloomed, his mind, his being suddenly filled with the sense of 'Lex', knowing Lex felt it too from the slightly wild look in his cerulean eyes. 

He leaned forward, his words a whisper against Clark's skin as he kissed his eyes, his face, his lips. "Maybe it's not new, for us. Maybe it's actually something old that we never finished, until now." 

Clark shook his head, trying to clear it. "Something old?" 

Strong hands tugged the blanket more securely around Clark's shoulders as Lex shifted, pulling Clark tightly against him. "Yeah, very old... Remember the story your mom told us? About the real first time we met right after you got here?" 

Clark closed his eyes, drifting in the feeling of peace Lex pushed toward him through whatever bond they were building. "You mean in the truck?" 

Lex nodded the movement soft against Clark's hair. "She said I woke up. I woke up and you touched me with this beautiful smile on your face. I wish I could remember it." 

"Me too, Lex... Me too..." There was such a note of longing in his voice as Lex spoke; Clark had to tighten his arms, burrowing even closer. 

"I think it started then and last night, with what we did, we just completed the circuit." Lex pulled back, a soft smile on his face as he brought their joined hands up, tracings of light still playing along them. "I like it, I like it a lot." 

Clark searched his eyes. "You're not... It doesn't scare you?" 

"A little, yeah. But, can't you feel it, Clark? It feels right. For the first time in my whole life I feel whole. Stop being afraid you'll hurt me for a second and really let yourself feel what's happening between us." 

Clark trusted Lex so all he said was a soft, 'okay'. Opening his senses Clark gasped as he was overwhelmed by the connection he felt between them. Lex was right, he too felt whole. "Oh!" 

Lex laughed, kissing him. "Oh, is right. Pretty damned cool, huh?" 

Clark grinned, surprised as a yawn split his face. Lex leaned toward him again, his fingers gentle on his face. 

"You're exhausted, Clark. We both are. I brought your clothes, get dressed and come back home with me. We'll talk more in the morning. I'll even help you with your chores." 

Clark laughed tiredly. "Think Bessie can stand the shock?" 

He felt the playful swat to his arm as Lex helped him stand, surprised by how dizzy he was for a moment. Lex just held him until it passed. "Come on, farm boy; let's get our tired asses to bed." 

After he'd dressed and Lex had bundled him into his car, Clark felt his eyes closing. A sleepy smile crossed his face as his thoughts scattered once again. He'd thought he'd known it before, this feeling. That he'd had it with his parents. 

But this, this was different. Somehow, in all the vastness of the universe he'd found him, the other part of his soul. As Clark felt Lex's fingers in his hair, guiding him to rest against his shoulder, Clark knew. Somehow, he'd found home. 

fin 

**Author's Note:**

> laurab1 made a gorgeous cover to go with my story! I love it and it's perfect for the story. You can find the full size version of it **[here:](http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/digitalwave/1072195/454979/454979_1000.jpg)**
> 
> Thanks Laura!


End file.
